Thats Funny He Doesnt Look Fluish

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Quotes

• Osmosis : Next time, I'll be the bad cop.

  Drix : You ARE a bad cop!

  Osmosis : Yo, who you calling a bad cop?

• Leah : Jones, what in the world makes you think I would ever go out with you?

  Osmosis : What you talking about? I'm a legend, girl! The chicks line up to divide with me!

  Leah : Oh really? 'Cause to me you look like the kind of cell who mostly divides with himself.

  Osmosis : Whoa! Who turned off the heat? Somebody pay the bill? It's cold in here.

• Latino Germ : La Muerte, man! Esta aqui! He's gonna kill us dead, hombre!

  Osmosis : No, no. Talk English, man. We ain't on Telemundo here.

  Latino Germ : La Muerte Roja! He's coming, man! I saw him!

• Osmosis : We were so poor, we lived off peanut butter and cellulite sandwiches! You ever try to blow-dry your hair with a fart?

  Drix : OK, I get it. You were poor.

  Osmosis : You bet I was! You ever try to make a snowman out of toilet paper cling-ons? Now that's poor!

  Drix : OK, please, you're going to make me vomit!

  Osmosis : Vomit? We couldn't afford no vomit; that's for rich folk.

  Drix : Excuse me while I wipe my eyes.

  Osmosis : Oh, you wanna talk about wiping?

  Drix : NO!

• [Osmosis and Drix arrive at the zit]

  Drix : My, what big zits he has. How does this happen?

  Osmosis : You wash your face with fried chicken, that's how!

• Osmosis : In the words of the immortal James Brown - GET DOWN!

  Drix : James who?

• Osmosis : Did you know my great-great-grandpappy fought the measles? Yup, there's been a Jones on the force ever since my ancestors came over on the umbilical cord.

• Thrax : Who are you?

  Osmosis : Who am I? Who am I? Ah, Bad Booty-shaking Pickanosis, yeah! That's who I am!

  Thrax : I never heard of ya.

  Osmosis : That's 'cause you just got here! You ask any of these suckers, when it comes to illin', Bad Booty-shaking Pickanosis stands avove all the rest!

• Thrax : What is that nasty smell?

  Drix : Cherry. Wild cherry. Now let her go.

  Thrax : Why? So you can ice me again?

  Osmosis : No, so I can!

• Osmosis : [looking at a centerfold in DNA Monthly] Nice genes. You got the chromosomes in all the right places.

• Drix : Where did you study?

  Osmosis : Study? When you grow up on the wrong side of the digestive track, you ain't got no money for no fancy schools.

  Drix : Oh...

  Osmosis : I'm not kiddin', man. My school was Crack Central.

  Drix : Oh?

  Osmosis : No, it was IN the crack. Right in the stanky, puckered center.

• Thrax : Too bad you won't be here to see me break my record when I take down Frank's pretty little girl.

  Osmosis : She ain't goin' down. You are!

• Drix : Special Agent Drixobenzometaphedrimine... Drixenol! The brand that eases your coughs and sneezes. Warning - do not exceed recommended dosage. If symptoms persist, consult a physician. May cause drowsiness. Do not attempt to operate heavy machinery. Pregnant women should not handle broken tablets.

  Osmosis : Wow! I'm feeling better already.

• Osmosis : I never thought you'd be on MY side!

  Drix : I never thought you'd be right.

• Osmosis : Goodbye, Drips.

  Drix : That's Drix.

  Osmosis : Whatever.

• Osmosis : You want Osmosis?

  Drix : You've got Osmosis!

• Drix : I'd like to examine your irritated areas.

  Osmosis : Wooh, never on the first date, Drips!

  Drix : That's Drix.

  Osmosis : That's what I said.

  Drix : No, I think you said Drips, with a P.

• [the cold pill arrives in the stomach]

  Leah : Wow, this is huge.

  Osmosis : Don't be all impressed, 'cause 99% of that is just sugar you know.

  Leah : Yeah, and 99% of you is just stupid.

  Osmosis : Ooh, like I haven't heard that one before.

• Osmosis : So, where you from, tough stuff?

  Drix : I was developed at the University of Chicago, where I graduated Phi Beta Capsule.

  Osmosis : Great, got me a college boy...

• Librarian : Brain Memory Library. Can I help you?

  Osmosis : You got any information about something called "El Morry Roho"?

  Librarian : Stand by. I'll check, but we're really all about sports statistics here.

• Osmosis : Yo, you didn't see this thing. This ain't no ordinary household germ. This thing's bigger than all of us; it's big even for Frank's body! It's like a

  [sic]

  Osmosis : Al Roker germ, a Heavy D germ!

  Cop : You talkin' about this?

  [holds a short, dumpy germ; all laugh]

  Osmosis : Yeah, uh... y'know, he's slouching right now.

• Osmosis : Man, what you been eatin'?

  Drix : That's my effervescent propulsion.

  Osmosis : A'ight. But we're drivin' with the windows open. I don't want none of those fruitybubbles stinking up my ride. You got that?

• [Drix is at the bladder, about to board the next barge out]

  Osmosis : Drix! Yo, Drix! Get your time-released butt off this boat. Thrax is alive! Let's go!

  Drix : I'm sorry, Osmosis, I can't help you.

  Osmosis : Excuse me?

  Drix : I wasn't designed to combat a virus. Read my label.

  Osmosis : You gotta learn to think outside the pill box, man. I've known sugar pills who cured cancer, just because they believed they could.

  Drix : Oh, I don't know, Ozzy. Look at me. I'm cherry flavored.

  Conductor : Hey, pal. You on or off?

  Osmosis : Fine. Flush your life down the toilet.

  Conductor : The zipper's down. All ashore who's going ashore.

• [Osmosis is at the theater watching one of Frank's dreams when the screen appears to burn up]

  Osmosis : Thrax is alive! Thrax is alive and he's in the brain!

  Cell : Oh, great, pal! Spoil the ending.

• Drix : [Deleted scene] The eye? What are we doing here? Do I have to remind you that I am on a strict twelve hour time release program? First the throat, then the nose, then the aches and pains.

  Osmosis : Yeah, I got it. Real important stuff. Now, get your butt out of my car!

  Drix : Oh! I don't even have a butt. Officer, if I don't get to the sinuses, my entire relief mission could be jeopardized.

  Osmosis : Yo, it's time we take a look at the big picture. See? The Big F. He's the one we're here to protect and serve. I mean, just look at him. Doesn't he make you want to be a better cell?

  Drix : Ew! I see why you feel such a strong connection.

  Osmosis : Hey, watch it! Show the man some respect! He's the reason all of us are here.

  Drix : Take me to the nose.

  Osmosis : Dude, just wait in the car. I got police work to do. Uh, could you get me one glazed and one with the jelly-filled nucleus?

  Librarian : Brain Memory Library. Can I help you?

  Osmosis : You got any information on something called El Morry Rojo?

  Librarian : Stand by while I check, but we're really all about sports statistics here. Sir?

  Osmosis : Yeah, I'm here. What you got?

  Librarian : La Muerte Roja, that's Spanish. It means the Red Death.

  Osmosis : The Red Death? What's that? Some kind of taco sauce?

  Librarian : Now, you have a nice day.

  Osmosis : Hello? Yo, Drips! You ever hear of the Red Death?

  Drix : That's Drix.

• Drix : [Deleted scene, Drix and Ozzy are in an ocean of mucus] Well, this is a fine mess you've gotten us into.

  Osmosis : Me? What are you talking about? You've got a lot of nerve.

  Drix : Oh, don't act so innocent. When I first entered this body,

  Osmosis : Uh, Drix.

  Drix : I knew things would be difficult but I never imagined I would have to work...

  Osmosis : Uh, Drix.

  Drix : Quiet, I'm not finished!

  Osmosis : Hey! Look, Drix! Look behind you! We're about to be wiped under a table!

  Drix : What? Ah! Jones! Jones!

  Osmosis : Give me your hand!

  Drix : We're going to die!

  Bob : Jeez, Frank, I'm standing right here. Can you... uh... use a tissue or something?

  Frank : I don't have one.

  Bob : Well, use your imagination.

  Frank : What's that over there?

  [Frank swallows his mucus]

  Frank : Better?

  Bob : Much better.

  Frank : I gotta go get her.

  Bob : Alright.

  Frank : She'll be excited. She'll probably call you.

  Bob : Good.

  Drix : If it wasn't for you, none of this would have ever happened. Now, if you'll excuse me, I

  [Drix is coughing]

  Drix : have a nose to dry.

• Dispatcher : [Deleted scene] Suspect is headed towards the uvula. Repeat: headed towards the uvula.

  Osmosis : What the hell is a uvula?

  Drix : It's that little dangly hing that hangs down in Frank's...

  Osmosis : Boxer shorts! Okay, here we go!

  Drix : Not that little dangly thing! The one in his throat!

  Osmosis : I knew that. I know that.

  [the car drives off in the wrong way and towards the uvula before it felt the heartburn]

  Osmosis : I know that rumble! Come on, I know a shortcut.

  Drix : I don't like the sound of that. Heartburn? That sign said Heartburn!

  Osmosis : Yeah, I saw what it said. I could read.

  [the car went inside the throat]

  Drix : That's pure stomach acid! Are you mad? We'll be killed!

  Osmosis : You got a better way?

  Frank : What's the opposite of... inbound?

  Bob : Outbound?

  [Frank belches, making Ozzy and Drix close to the uvula]

  Bob : Boy. Thanks for the warning, there, Prince Charles. Frank? Are you with me? Hello? Hey.

• Dispatcher : Suspect is headed towards the uvula. Repeat: headed towards the uvula.

  Osmosis : What the heck is a uvula?

  Drix : It's that little dangly hing that hangs down in Frank's...

  Osmosis : Boxer shorts! Okay, here we go!

  Drix : Not that little dangly thing! The one in his throat!

  Osmosis : I knew that. I know that.

  [the car drives off in the wrong way and towards the uvula]

• Osmosis : Yo, where do you think you're going?

  Drix : To get our cootie.

  Osmosis : Looking like that? They'll tear you apart. You gotta get spiffy.

  Drix : Spiffy?

  [Osmosis rearranges himself to look like a germ]

  Osmosis : Check it out!

  Drix : Hmm. Flexible cellular dynamics. What an ingenious defense mechanism. Ooh, let me try!

  [Drix tries, only succedes in mangling his face]

  Drix : What do you think?

  Osmosis : I think you should guard the car.

• Osmosis : That's Chill, he's a flu shot.

  Drix : Funny. He doesn't look fluish.

• Drix : Attention, germs! You are surrounded! Uh-huh! Uh-huh, uh-huh, surrounded!

  Osmosis : Yo, Hammer! You can stop dancing!

• Osmosis : Yo! You see this badge? You see this gun? You see this gooey, white saccus membranous 'round my personhood?... Well, you dealin' with a white blood cell here! I should be out in the veins, fighting disease, not in the mouth on tartar control.

• Police Chief : Hey, Ozzy, can I count on you to keep Frank in shape? You know we've got that big insurance exam next month.

  Osmosis : I don't know. You'll have to talk to my new parter... if he feels like hanging around for a while.

  Drix : But my work visa has expired.

  Osmosis : Well, we'll go down to the hemorrhoid and get you a good lawyer.

• Osmosis : You up spit creek without a paddle. Don't make me mad, 'cause I will turn into a germicidal maniac.

• Chill : Hey, I was injected into this body to rat on influenza only, and this don't sound like influenza to me. Now, beat it.

  Osmosis : I bet Johnny Streptococcus and the Melanoma family would be very interested to know about your flu shot work.

  Chill : You can't jack me on that, brother. I'm in the Virus Protection Program.

• Osmosis : [from trailer] Disease is the crime, I'm the cure!

• [believing Drix has given up, Osmosis is about to leave]

  Drix : Jones? You really knew a sugar pill that cured cancer?

  Osmosis Jones : [smirking] Nah, but it makes for a good pep talk, don't it?

  [the two drive away with Drix leaving behind the scroll of conditions that used to be on his arm]

  Drix : Let's go catch a cold!

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Source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0181739/characters/nm0001674

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